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When I came to, I was in a completely empty world.
What nonsense am I spewing?
I mean exactly that. It was an empty world with nothing in it.
There was no grass, trees, and no colors here. The sky and the earth were all white. The infinite view was full of just empty space. It was a rather eerie atmosphere.
It felt as if the unending vastness of white was piercing into my mind as well.
“Wh-what the hell is this place?”
How could nothing exist? It was as if the whole world had been erased!
I looked around in utter shock.
…I never knew that having nothing to look around at would be this frightening.
‘It’s a dream.’
That was my conclusion.
Because it was a situation that couldn’t be explained if this wasn’t a dream.
‘It’s been a while since I’ve had a lucid dream. But man, this is a shitty dream.’
Since it wasn’t a particularly enjoyable dream, I made up my mind to try and wake up. Every dream has a way of waking up from it. I put both my hands down on the white ground and bent down. Then…
I rolled around on the ground holding onto my face from having banged it on the bare ground.
“Aishi, why is it so hard.”
(TL: Korean slang that can mean damn, what the hell, etc. Pronounced kind of like the letters ‘A + C’ or ‘I + C’)
The white ground was as hard as marble. At the very least, I was sure it was harder than my head.
It was then.
“Nice to meet you, examinee Hyun-Ho Kim.”
It was the loud and resounding voice of an energetic young child.
I was surprised and startled.
I looked all around, but could not find the owner to the voice.
‘Perhaps a ghost?’
I was creeped out at the thought of an old hag. I screamed from the fear crawling within me.
(TL: Old Hag refers to a belief that when you’re sleeping, an old hag sits on your chest, not letting you move. Also known as sleep paralysis)
“Where are you? Show yourself!”
“But I’m right here.”
The voice came from above. I lifted my head and stared into the sky.
My mind went blank.
There was no other explanation. It was an angel, as if it dropped out of a Michelangelo painting. He wasn’t wearing any clothes and his danglers between his legs made me quite uncomfortable.
“A real angel?”
“That I am.”
The baby angel dude with the bbundegi flapped his wings and descended.
(TL: Bbundegi: pronounced bun-de-gi. It’s pupa that are fried and eaten as a snack. In context…it’s a tiny dick lol)
I’m baffled. An angel in my dream? I thought maybe, so I asked.
“Tell me the lotto numbers.”
“I don’t want to.”
Baby angel dude gave a sharp answer. His role is an angel and he’s a young ‘un, but real impertinent. I thought of spanking his ass but held it in.
“Alright, alright, fine. Just let me wake up from this dream.”
“It’s not a dream.”
“You just verified that when you kissed the floor with your forehead.”
Those words made me alert.
“… you saw that?”
The baby angel covered his mouth with both his hands and giggled.
“I saw that you were sensing it wasn’t a dream with the entirety of your skull.”
My face reddens.
‘Aww man, this is embarrassing. How could I have made such a scene!’
“When examinee Hyun-Ho Kim abused his skull, wouldn’t the pain have made him wake if this was a dream?”
The giggling bbundegi boy really called for a slap on the face.
The baby angel continued to speak.
“Or would you like to try one more time?”
“Um, you mentioned the lotto numbers a moment ago?”
“Yeah. You gonna tell me?”
This bbundegi bastard is upsetting me again.
“But instead I will let you experience something that will rival the chances of you winning the lottery.”
“What is that? The pension lottery*?”
(TL: It’s hard to explain. Just read the article. http://travel.cnn.com/seoul/play/pension-lottery-fever-grips-korean-masses-028536/)
“Seriously, you keep speaking in terms that give away your financial status.”
My blood starting boiling at this.
“… then what is it?”
“You wanna be hit by lightning?”
I was taken aback.
What did this bbundegi bastard just say to me? He can’t even tell me the lotto numbers and now he wants to hit me with lightning?
“Not enough to die from, just barely a zing. Here we go~~~!”
“Wait, what?! I’m not…!”
Pijijik! (sound of lightning)
Lightning fell down from the white sky. My body convulsed as if being fried in oil. This is how the chicken that gets fried by mom must feel!
“So, how is it?”
How is it?!
“You said it wasn’t enough to kill?!”
I yelled out in fury from the likes of this kind of pain that I had never felt before. This hurt 100 times more than the anesthetic from a circumcision!
“If you were really struck with lightning, you would die without a moment to feel the pain. It hurts because it wasn’t enough to kill.”
Spewing his nonsense, the baby angel bastard intently flapped his wings and approached me. He came forward with his annoying face and continued to speak.
“Do you think you could feel all this pain if this was a dream?”
The words pierce me deep in my chest.
An unknown uneasiness settled into my beating heart. If this is not a dream, where the hell am I?
“Examinee Hyun-Ho Kim.”
That bastard has been calling me examinee from the start, right? What does that even mean?
“Examinee Hyun-Ho Kim has been chosen by the heavens to take the exam.
God/Deity*, Buddha*, Dao/Tao (The Way)*, The Truth*. Humans call them by specific names. However, A Name*, To Express In Words*, Humanity*, To Become A Human*, it is impossible within this dimensional space to explain what these things are in absoluteness.
(礻申)(佛)(道 )(眞理)(命名)(形言)(人格 )(人格化)(崇拜）
(TL: Small dick angel used Chinese
but these should be the literal translations. I did my best asking around but if you have a better translation, please let me know. He also spoke in weird Korean which is why it sounds weird in English…)
‘What is he blabbing on about?*’
(TL: MC doesn’t speak Chinese so he’s confused too.)
The baby angel continued explain to me, who couldn’t even begin to comprehend him.
“It’s like God. For understanding purposes, I said deity.”
“So…in other words, Gods, ultimate powers, those kinds of things??”
“The test is an extremely difficult and severe battle. It’s a dangerous task where you could even die.”
“It’s so difficult I could die?”
“No. I won’t do it.”
I said it sternly.
Are these people crazy? God? Angel? Does that mean you can just do whatever?
I’m living nice and well and you give me a severe assignment and you think I’ll just take it up and do it?
The baby angel had a “I’m in a difficult position” expression on his face and said the following.
“But you have to do it…”
“Why are you asking me to do this kind of thing? God? Tell your God to do it. He’s God so he should be able to do it all, all the time.”
“I cannot tell you the ultimate goal of this test. Regardless, examinee Hyun-Ho Kim must do it.”
“I don’t care. I don’t want to.”
I’m saying no, so what can they do? With this mentality, I stood my ground.
The baby angel just stared at me blankly. Man, this kid’s dangling bbundegi keeps coming into my view.
“You really won’t do it?”
“That’s right, you bbundegi bastard.”
“So much so that you would rather be hit by lightning?”
At the mention of lightning, I flinch. Is he threatening me? He’s pissing me off now.
“Yeah, yeah ya bastard. Even if my preciousness became as small as a bbundegi, I still won’t!”
“Oh dear… so that means even if you die, you won’t do it?”
“Finally, you get it.”
I looked at the baby angel proudly for finally understanding. He suddenly became a very worried baby angel.
“We are in no way forcing you but rather, giving you an opportunity… the choice is up to examinee Hyun-Ho Kim.”
“Sure, thanks for the opportunity to possibly die in a severe battle. No thank you, kid.”
“Whew, I guess there’s no other choice. Then I’ll be sending you on to hell…”
I’m completely taken aback.
“Hey, what! Are you threatening me? You said it’s not being demanded of me!”
“Of course, it is neither a threat nor a demand. You say you don’t want to do the exam so according to the schedule, we are sending you to hell.”
“Don’t send me to hell! Send me back to the living world!”
The baby angel looks at me completely baffled.
“Examinee Hyun-Ho Kim…. I thought it impossible but do you really not know?”
“You have died. We only bring the dead to this place.”
“You don’t think we’d take a perfectly fine person and drag him here and threaten him, do you? As you can tell, I am an angel. I am not the devil.”
The rush of anxiety.
Again, the suspicions that this must just be a bad dream.
“The cause of death for examinee Hyun-Ho Kim is heart disease. You went kaput while you were sleeping.”
He speaks just like an angel.
“You expect me to believe that?”
“You were, of course, deep in sleep and thus unconscious for it.”
“Other than getting hit by lightning by you, never in my life have I ever experienced anything close to death. How does it make sense that I never had any symptoms and then just went off in my sleep? Heart disease at my age?”
“You should have felt some pressure and uneasiness in your chest before you fell asleep…”
I’m completely surprised.
I definitely felt that pressure in my chest.
“It’s genetics. Didn’t your ancestors also die of heart disease?”
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