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“You’re awake?” I watched Shen Junshan open his eyes and asked.
He looked at me and his face completely restored to its old indifference. Shen Junshan rubbed his sore forehead and seemed to be trying to recall what happened last night.
I interrupted his thoughts, “Where did you go yesterday?”
“To the hospital.” His voice was steady. “His condition doesn’t seem to be good. The doctor suggested that we pull out the line and turn off the ventilator.”
“The doctor also said…” He stood up and looked at me, and suddenly changed his mind. “Are you okay?”
“What do you mean?” I rubbed my red eyes. “I stayed up all night, probably couldn’t handle it.”
He moved his arm and suddenly asked, “How are you now?”
“Not bad.” I wiped my dry eyes. “After all, after being vegetative for so long, even if my body is good I’m already over thirty. And thank you for not throwing me out of the hospital.”
“Do you know Tang Tang?”
“Tang… Tang?” I shook my head. “Where can I even go to meet him? Who is he?”
“My lover.” Shen Junshan actually raised the corners of his mouth. “I thought you knew each other.”
“I always thought both of you were acquaintances, because he had been asking for continuing care and treatment while keeping your place in Quanta.”
“That means your lover is a good man.” I avoided his eyes, but I heard Shen Junshan continue to speak.
“He’s indeed really good.” Shen Junshan continued to smile. “I’ve been very happy, being with him all these years.”
“Of course.” I wanted to make a teasing tone, but I lowered my head. “Pain is just this period of time and after it’s over, it’s over.”
Shen Junshan did not speak. I knew he was looking at me. My words seemed too ruthless, but sadly, it was true.
“Shen Junshan, I’ll tell you, one day you will find that your miserable thoughts today are only like this. After a long time, you’ll feel sorry at best, but you will never suffer for him again.”
My palm was held tight in a place where he could not see. Tightly grasped together, strong enough to crush bone. My voice was so calm that I looked up at him and his haggard eyes, and saw myself in his pupils.
“You are an Alpha, an excellent or even excelling Alpha. Even without him, will there be less Omegas for your successors? Yes, you love him very much. You are very happy, and have a family, with three lovely children.” I saw my expression in his eyes, which was so serious that it seemed ridiculous. “But there is no Tang Tang in the world anymore. You know, he will never come back… And one day, there will be a new Omega who will appear beside you, and there will be a new chemical reaction between you two. Nobody can stop the attraction between Alphas and Omegas. You will fall in love with him, just as you fell in love with that person in the past!”
“How can that be?” Shen Junshan looked at me stubbornly. “Du Tang, do you know how he and I have walked together until now?”
“Not long after we were together, there was a fissure in the company. Ten years ago, when Quanta was in its worst condition, we had nothing in our pockets and all of our household property had fallen short because of Quanta. Turnover was not working well and the capital chain was broken. No big name was worth a penny in the face of interests. At that time, he was the only one beside me. My people can run and jump, and everyone was waiting to see me make a fool of myself. Friends were trying to persuade me to sell Quanta to at least to get rid of this hot potato. He was the only one who was still working hard for me in the Planning Department, in order to sign the lists for negotiation up and down… At that time, I was too young to dote him at all. When I got angry, I would swear at people indiscriminately. He was the first one to suffer. In a hurry to put out the fire, I couldn’t sleep, and my bones couldn’t hold up my skin.”
Shen Junshan has always been reserved and steady. I never heard him say these, nor did I know that his memory was like this.
“If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have survived. We had Wenshu that year, and he refused to tell me that, and it was only when he was sent to the hospital for near-miscarriage due to exhaustion, did I know that we were having a child. I’m his lover, but I don’t even know his physical condition. I saw the thin figure of him sleeping in the bed. Alone, I ran to the stairwell and cried. At that time, I vowed to let him live a good life. I watched him all night, and when he opened his eyes and saw me, he said sorry to me. It was clear that I was the one who was sorry… Later, life got better, but I was always so busy, I could never accompany him and the children for long. The two children kissed him more, and always helped Papa. I was kind of jealous, but also happier. There are two more people in the world who love him.”
“Don’t tell me about the attraction of Alphas and Omegas. What attraction can a poor man have? Who cares about more Omega successors, who don’t actually want me, Shen Junshan, as a person. Without identity, status, wealth or even this face…” He didn’t finish, and wiped his face. “As long as he can come back, I can doing anything…”
“Tang Tang can’t come back, an Omega…”
I interrupted him, but he also interrupted me.
“Not Omega. He’s my support.”
I was stunned and angry by his tone of voice, breaking my determination that held my tears in place.
“Why are you crying?”
I laughed and let the tears fall down. “The person I like, is confessing to me his love for his lover. How can I not cry.”
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